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The Problem
It’s hard to understand how others view the world and to bridge those differences effectively.
Meanwhile, countless moments of frustration and miscommunication occur daily due to these misunderstandings. In homeschooling, parents often find themselves asking, "Why is my child too nice and avoids conflict?" or "How can I teach my child to be more compassionate?" Without understanding these different perspectives, navigating these questions becomes a constant challenge.
"Why is my child too nice and avoids conflict?"
"How can I help my child stand up for themselves?"
"My child is too accommodating—how do I teach them to set boundaries?"
"How do I teach assertiveness?"
OR/ AND
"I need strategies for developing empathy."
"How can I teach my child to be more compassionate?"
"My child struggles with teamwork—how do I improve their social skills?"
"How to help a strong-willed child understand others' perspectives?"
No character trait or personality is inherently right or wrong. These traits are not signs that a child is "broken." Evolutionarily, different situations and contexts call for different approaches—sometimes it's better to be cooperative and empathetic, while other times it's essential to be assertive and set clear boundaries.
A Basic Plan
Observe whether you and your child tend to be 'agreeable' or 'disagreeable.' This awareness will guide you on which skills to build and help you appreciate the different ways we approach situations.
Empathy means understanding and appreciating different perspectives, allowing us to connect with others' feelings and experiences. Recognizing that everyone needs to learn different things, and that’s okay. There is no good or bad personality trait—we just have tendencies that are more useful in some contexts than others.
The more we learn from "the other side", the better equipped we become to handle various challenges and harness the strengths of both. We just need to learn "different skills." Make it a routine to observe and discuss these traits as their strengths, and you'll appreciate them more by understanding their line of thinking.
Agreeable Personality Type
Tend to be good at:
Compassionate and Cooperative:Â Agreeable people tend to be kind, empathetic, and considerate of others' feelings.
Conflict-Avoidant:Â They often seek harmony and try to avoid conflicts.
Altruistic: High in nurturing behaviors, they often put others' needs before their own. They are helpful, trusting, and empathetic.
Trusting and Forgiving: They are more likely to trust others and forgive transgressions.
Focus on improving:Â
Say what needs to be said. Even if its though and might be hurtful, it probably is the truth ands needs to be said.
Setting boundaries:Â To avoid getting run over by others, practice setting boundaries and prioritize self-care.
Assertiveness: Negotiate on your owns behalf.
Saying No: Strengthen critical thinking and practice saying no when necessary.
Critical Thinking: Could be gullible and naiv whom to trust.
Conflict Resolution:Â Encourage open communication about feelings and find healthy outlets for expressing emotions. Or else you might build resentment.
Disagreeable Personality Type
Tend to be good at:Â
Assertive and Competitive: Disagreeable people are often direct, competitive, and less concerned with others' feelings.
Independent: They value their independence and are less likely to conform to social expectations.
Tough-Minded:Â They are often more critical, suspicious and skeptical of others.
Less Compassionate: They may appear less empathetic or nurturing compared to agreeable individuals.
They only do what they want to do.
Focus on improving:Â
Listening & Making others feel understood:Â Their directness and competitiveness can strain personal relationships. Practice active listening and show appreciation for others' perspectives .
Conflict-Resolution: Work on conflict resolution skills and strive to understand the underlying emotions in disagreements.
Empathy: Their lower empathy can make them appear insensitive or harsh. Increase empathy by paying attention to others' feelings and practicing kind gestures.
Teamwork:Â Their independent nature can sometimes lead to social isolation or difficulties in teamwork.
Every year inside The Story Weavers, the Social Emotional portion inside one book is dedicated to "Differences between People." This book explores how people perceive the world differently, communicate uniquely, and offers insights into understanding these differences. By learning to adapt communication styles, you can avoid misunderstandings and frustrations, fostering a deeper appreciation of each other's uniqueness.
We also believe that parents are the perfect role models to demonstrate these patterns that make homeschooling extraordinary. That's why throughout the year, we prompt parents inside the solutions book to review different patterns, such as this one, ensuring a comprehensive and engaging learning experience
Can you imagine the impact on your homeschool lifestyle if you continuously receive new patterns adjusted to both agreeablel and disagreebale kids? Even one new distinction can make a massive difference. Start transforming your homeschooling today by opening the books of the Story Weavers!
You can find this prompt for this pattern in Level 3, Book 1 Solutions Manual
HOW THIS MIGHT LOOK LIKE
Agreeable individuals tend to approach negotiations by considering both sides. They will negotiate and consider your side just as much as their own.
On the other hand, a disagreeable person negotiates primarily for their own side and expects you to do the same.
This arrangement works smoothly when agreeable individuals negotiate with each other, as both parties are considerate of mutual interests. However, conflicts arise when an agreeable person negotiates with a disagreeable person. The agreeable individual feels that their needs are being overlooked, while the disagreeable person becomes frustrated because the other party isn't assertively advocating for their own position.
Scenario: Collaborative Project
Agreeable Child:
Dialogue: "Hey, let’s all work together and make sure everyone gets a chance to contribute. I think we should decide together what to do next."
Expectation: They want the group to be harmonious and for everyone to feel included.
Disagreeable Child:
Dialogue: "I have a great idea, and I think we should do it my way. I’ve already thought it through, and it’s the best option."
Expectation: They focus on their own ideas and goals, assuming others will either agree or defend their own ideas robustly.
Scenario: Resolving a Disagreement
Agreeable Child:
Dialogue: "I don’t want to argue. Can we just find a way to agree? I’m okay with whatever you decide."
Expectation: They seek to avoid conflict and are willing to compromise, sometimes at their own expense. Might get resentful when felt like their needs are not being considered.
Disagreeable Child:
Dialogue: "I think you’re wrong, and here’s why. We need to do it this way to get the best result."
Expectation: They prioritize what they believe is the most effective solution, even if it leads to conflict.
Intervention by Parent (consider the strengths of both sides):
Dialogue: "It’s important to address disagreements respectfully. [Agreeable Child], it’s okay to express your needs and stand firm on what matters to you. [Disagreeable Child], it’s important to consider others’ feelings and work towards a solution that everyone can accept. Let’s practice listening to each other’s points and finding common ground."
Situation with a simple pencil:
Agreeable Child:
Dialogue: "I noticed you don’t have a pencil. Here, take mine. I can wait until you’re done."
Expectation: They are naturally generous and considerate, often putting others’ needs first.
Disagreeable Child:
Dialogue: "I need this pencil right now. You should have brought your own."
Expectation: They prioritize their own needs and may not consider the importance of sharing.
Intervention by Parent (consider the strengths of both sides):
Dialogue: "Sharing resources is essential, but so is planning ahead. [Agreeable Child], it’s kind of you to share, but make sure you also have what you need. [Disagreeable Child], it’s important to be prepared, but also consider how sharing can benefit everyone. Let’s find a solution where you can both have what you need."
Ultimately, learning about different ways to interpret human behavior and approach situations helps us appreciate our own tendencies and critically evaluate which are more effective in different contexts. We can't say it's always right to be compassionate, just as we can't say it's always good to be assertive. That's why you need a curriculum that not only fosters empathy but also encourages direct communication. This will give us the appreciation, understanding, and tools to communicate with different views of the world.
We all want to improve, but most of us don't have a clue where, or when, to begin. The Story Weavers books contain concrete prompts to keep breaking through old habits and creating the homeschool lifestyle you desire.
Science & Why
Understanding the interplay between agreeable and disagreeable personality traits is crucial for fostering effective communication and collaboration. Jordan Peterson, in his extensive research and clinical practice, emphasizes that personality traits are not merely superficial characteristics but deeply rooted patterns that influence our behavior, decision-making, and interactions with others. Agreeable individuals, with their propensity for empathy and cooperation, are essential for creating harmonious and supportive environments. However, their tendency to avoid conflict can sometimes lead to self-neglect and a failure to assert their own needs.
Scientific studies support these observations. Research on the Big Five personality traits, a model widely used in psychology, demonstrates that agreeableness is associated with positive social outcomes, including greater prosocial behavior and more satisfying interpersonal relationships (Graziano & Eisenberg, 1997). However, these studies also highlight that highly agreeable individuals may struggle with assertiveness, leading to potential disadvantages in competitive or adversarial situations (Judge et al., 2013). Conversely, disagreeable individuals, characterized by their assertiveness and competitive nature, often excel in leadership roles and situations requiring tough decision-making. Their lower levels of empathy, however, can lead to conflicts and strained relationships (Costa & McCrae, 1992).
Peterson's work further elaborates on the evolutionary basis of these traits. He suggests that both agreeable and disagreeable tendencies have been preserved throughout human evolution because they offer distinct advantages in different contexts. Agreeableness fosters social cohesion and cooperation, essential for group survival, while disagreeableness promotes individualism and competitive success, crucial for personal survival and resource acquisition. Recognizing and respecting these traits in ourselves and others allows us to harness their strengths while mitigating their weaknesses, leading to more balanced and effective interpersonal dynamics.
The Story Weavers was built to change the landscape of education
for families across the globe. Learning has fundamentally shifted with rise of
digital courseware and AI, but education, at its heart, has failed to keep
pace. Our children deserve better. Better instructional techniques, better
content, better quality of life. Click Here to download a Sample
Critical Questions
These are questions we received from social media, email, and our chat function. If you have a question about this post, send it to us—we'll add it to the list to help all of us. (If you don't see all the answers yet.. come back...we are on it)
Q: How can I improve on all these areas for agreeable or disagreeable kids?
You can find loads of books and programs for each area, or make sure your curriculum integrates them. Or simply use our curriculum, and you'll know what patterns to look for. Our solution manuals will prompt you as a parent, and your child will benefit from social- emotional activities inside each book.
Q:What practical steps can I take to improve my child's conflict resolution skills?
Continously learn, use, and reflect on conflict resultion skills. You can read the guide on labelling by clicking here.
Q: How can I improve my child's social skills?
Ensure you have a routine (or curriculum) that prompts the use of SPECIFIC social skills. For example, learning how to give meaningful compliments.
New Feature Request? We want to hear your side.
We appreciate homeschoolers who challenge themselves to communicate openly about their needs and preferences. For those of you who identify with the agreeable tendency, it's important to practice voicing your concerns directly to avoid feelings of resentment. On the other hand, those with a more disagreeable nature might benefit from practicing diplomacy in your feedback. Ultimately, we invite everyone to voice their needs and suggestions openly.
On the one side we want to offer all the features, books, and resources to you immediately. On the other side we prioritize high-quality content over quantity. We’ve found a solution that balances these perspectives:
Send us a request of what you would like to see in our curriculum—improvements, new features, levels, and more. The more requests we receive for a particular feature, the higher we can prioritize it. This way, we ensure that we are meeting your needs effectively and efficiently.
You can reach us button via: support@story-weavers.com
or our chat buttom at the right side on our homepage.
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